Love Your Enemies, but Hate Your Family?

Luke 14:25 Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple…

As we approach Good Friday and Easter, I’d like to spend the next three blogs looking at one of the most challenging passages in the Gospels, Luke 14:25-33.  

The Gospel of Luke takes an important turn in 9:51.

As the time approached for him to be taken up to heaven, Jesus resolutely set out for Jerusalem. (Luke 9:51 NIV)

This determined journey to Jerusalem, and the cross that awaits Him, now dominates the story, until Jesus arrives (19:28).  On this journey, excited crowds follow Him, perhaps with visions of a conquering Messiah in mind.  Later in chapter 9, Luke gives us three examples of Jesus rejecting offers of conditional discipleship (9:57-62).  But, Jesus, not would-be disciples, sets the terms for following Him.

In chapter 14, we again find enthusiastic followers, wanting to jump on the bandwagon.  But, the Leader of this band, dowses them with cold reality.  It’s a reality that still startles us—and should.  

Jesus told a hypothetical man, wishing to follow Him, that to be a true disciple, he must HATE his parents, wife, siblings, and his own life.  And, in unison, we say “What????”  Isn’t this the same Jesus who constantly preached love?  We are to love our neighbors as ourselves.  We are to even love our enemies.  The new commandment is to love each other, just as Jesus loves us.   Now, we are to hate?

First, let’s not domesticate Jesus by trying to explain it away.  These words were intended to shock us.  The love of our parents is embedded in the Decalogue, so if Jesus meant for us to have animus toward those we are commanded to love, then Jesus is opposing God and even Himself.

There is, however, another way to understand Jesus’ words in their context.  In Malachi 1, we are told, “Yet I have loved Jacob, but Esau I have hated…”  In Romans 9, Paul refers to this passage, and says that God chose Jacob before either he or Esau were born (Romans 9:10-15).  For Paul, this is hardly about Jacob’s superior character, or even God’s affection.  Instead, it is about God’s sovereign choice, or election, of one over the other.  “Love” and “hate” are here about choice.

This is also seen in Jesus’ words about choosing whether to serve God or money, “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money” (Luke 16:13 NIV).  The disciple must choose between competing loyalties, and “love” and “hate” describe this choice.

The coming of the Kingdom of God in Jesus demands radical choices.  These choices are so radical that “love” and “hate” describe them.  One who chooses to follow Jesus, on His terms, must choose Jesus over one’s family, though he or she never quits affectionately loving them.  The same is true of loving our own lives.  How can we follow Jesus to the cross while clinging to our own lives and safety?  I will say more on that next week.

Our choices matter, and we must choose Jesus above all!  Even above our closest relationships.

Tim Kelley 

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1 In Matthew 10:37, Jesus says,  “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me” (NIV).  Luke’s version is not in conflict with this passage, but will not allow a watering down of it, to mean “love them a little less than me.”  Both are stark and meant to be so.